TO FEAR OR NOT TO FEAR, with apologies to Shakespeare

I discussed fear with my older daughter the other day. She has been through some major upheavals in her life, including divorce, and has had to learn to deal with fear. She had some good insights.

Her first response was that fear is a “hard one to define.” She said that fear has many different levels and facets. There is the fear of spiders, which does not come up unless a person is in direct contact with a big, hairy one, and there is the deep fear when faced with life-altering circumstances that are constantly in view.

She said, “A life out of control can be a scary thing.” Many people contemplating separation or divorce experience that deep fear that comes from a situation that is perceived as out of control. Collaborative professionals of all types are available to bring people into a place of a sense of control and problem solving. These professionals are dedicated to insuring that fear is not part of any meeting. Logical solutions that are good in the long run cannot happen in a fearful environment.

I asked her how to get rid of fear. She said that deciding not to let the circumstances control her was a “biggie”, but that was not an easy transition. Understanding the situation, she said, is very important. We tend to be afraid of situations or people we feel we have no control over or do not understand.

People involved in the process of separation and divorce bring that type of fear into the meetings with Collaborative professionals. Finding out that there is a rational solution to the irrational situation of divorce can lead to a sense of empowerment and hope. As a person discovers answers to difficult, fearful situations, he/she can be more relaxed and hopeful.

The big question, according to my daughter, is this. Do I want fear to control me, or do I want to control my fear? A Collaborative professional will assist couples to control their fear so that the process can continue. They know how paralyzing fear can be, so they bring calmness and compassion to the table. That makes the divorce process so much more efficient, if I may use that word, and brings about more logical, equitable solutions and outcomes.

I think I have a daughter who has garnered much wisdom through her trials. Would you agree?

Copyright 2013. Marjorie E. James. All rights reserved.