Marjorie JamesAs I have stated before, I cannot think of anything more devastating than divorce. Way back at the beginning, in “It Would Have Been Better If”, March 26, 2013, I told the story of my friend who said that the death of her spouse would have been easier to handle than their divorce.

The overwhelming emotion that I have seen is the total devastation felt by the participants on both sides of the divorce. Even if a person is the one seeking the divorce, there is an overwhelming sense of failure. Divorce is not supposed to happen! We all start out with “happily ever after” on our wedding day, and anything else is incomprehensible.

However, the reality is that divorce happens. The key to the future after divorce is what people do with the reality they are in. There is hope, even though it is hard to imagine anything positive at the beginning of the new single journey. A former student of mine sent me the following quote that she received from a friend.

Our hearts are more elastic than we think, and the work of forgiveness and transformation and growth can do things you cannot even imagine from where you are standing now. Shauna Niequist

I do not know who Shauna Niequist is, but she is a very wise lady! Notice the progression she sets up; I do not think it is unintentional.

First must come forgiveness of others involved in the divorce and forgiveness of our part in it. Until that happens, true healing cannot take place.

Unfettered by anger and resentment, we are ready to start our transformation, an adventure that is full of surprising turns and twists.

Emotional, psychological, spiritual growth comes as we discover who we are and how we fit into our new world.

This whole post-divorce journey, although unwanted and painful, can be an exciting adventure into uncharted waters. Working with a Collaborative team during the divorce can help lay the groundwork for success afterwards. The practical and calm transition into singleness starts when the team helps people face the issues ahead with strength and resolve. Divorce is still devastating, but each person involved is given the tools to not only survive, but to thrive.

Copyright 2013. Marjorie E. James. All rights reserved.