Marjorie JamesWhen I focus on what’s a good day, I have a good day, and when I focus on what is bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases.

This quote from The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, 1976, goes a long way to explain how what we focus on determines our lives.

When I was taking driver’s education in high school many decades ago, our instructor led us each through an interesting, and vital, exercise. He had us drive to a side road where there was not any traffic (those things existed back then), with the steering wheel pointing straight down the middle of the road. He then instructed each driver to keep the wheel steady and look to the left.

After a minute, he told us to look back out the front windshield. To our surprise and horror, each one of us was steering to the left, almost off the side of the road! Our focus had become our destination!

Part of divorce is a shift in focus. Instead of facing life together, each person must start driving through life as a single. Many day-to-day interactions change drastically, and ex-partners must learn to steer their separate cars on a straight path.

Emotionally, divorce can be devastating. Negative self-talk is part of the scenario, but positive self-talk must become a large part of the process in order for healing to occur. This in and of itself is not easy, but it goes even further. A person needs to purposefully guide his or her focus in order to thrive in the future.

Life after divorce is dependent on focus, just like successfully driving a car. Collaborative professionals can help you focus on possibilities rather than defeats, moving the focus from problems to solutions. That is one of the greatest benefits working with Collaborative professionals offers – the opportunity to face life with a positive focus, leading to a fullness of life away from the ditches on each side of the road.

Copyright 2014. Marjorie E. James. All rights reserved.

 

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